dreads

aii too much
Originally uploaded by angeltouch.

sometimes i just cant get over how good they look!
call me vain if u want!
but its my blog..so i can talk about them!
and they are my dreadz..so i will talk about them!
and this morning in the mirror when i looked at them
and last nite when that cute guy told me how much he liked them....

i realised ...
1. they look good,
2. i can barely imagine NOT having them
3. i cant wait for them to grow more
4. they are powerful.

id thought about it for a while...
u know, going 'natty', locking the hair
and to be honest,
it was one of those rebellious things that u think u want to do
especially after 'flying out'...kinda like the tatoo or the piercing thing..
but u can barely bring urself to start.... coz its pretty permanent.

thank GOD i thought about it for a while

then i thought
and thought...
coz i had to know just WHY i was doing it

im not overly conscious.
im not rastafarian;
im not vegetarian;
im not trying to make a mega political statement;
and...my beliefs have not changed!

but...those are all the assumptions people have associated with my dreads.
from family, to friends and relatives and the church congregation,
to random people on the streets,
and beach boys in coasto (sunny mombasa)
to the dreads in the clubs who think they have found their 'sistah'

my dreads make a statement,
about me...
about my life...
about my future...
and thats a statemnt that I have to listen to as well...

and configure...to say what i want it to say:

i like the simplicity of my life since my dreads...
thats my statement against over-consumption, drama and insincerity

i like the conversations started with random people coz of my dreads..
thats my proof that barriers can be broken down, and that differences and curiousity can be harmonized to create discourses...and who knows what those could lead us to

i like knowing that what my hair is doing, is natural (with abit of help from my incessant twisting)...

and that reminds me that in everything... there is a time
and a method
and a reason
and a plan!!
and at the end of the day, inspite of our technological advances, our artificial body alterations,and our biological and genetic modifications...NATURE will take her course!

im still trying to figure out where i fit in this universe...
and it still puzzles me how something as simple as hair, can make me realise so much...and more...

im still realising....
and this is where im going to keep telling u what it is that im realising!
so sit back and watch this space for
...dread-lizations...

wow!
another year gone!
funny how time flies and how things happen, and we barely have the time to actually think about what we learned,
and those subtle lessons that we missed.
and the way we've grown
and changed
and matured
and regressed....

yeah...its time to cherish all those moments too...
the bad ones..
the ones that made me cry when i remember the lives of people who were once in my life.
those that died way too young
those that suffered..and only God knows why..

and also to those punks who quite frankly,
it was time to get them outta my life coz they were holding me back
but recently ive been thinking...
who benefitted most?
was it me...?
is my life better now that i dont have to deal with the drama?
and am i more fulfilled coz i weeded them out?
or was that a cheap sell out stunt?

or are they in a better place?
without me not understanding who it is that they are
and why it is that they do the things they do that just dont sit well with me
or why it is that a friendship once so strong could change over night,
and so damn drastically!!!

how different would things be if we had stuck it out
if we had actually tried to reconcile, and
agree to disagree
and focus on what made us friends in the first place?
how different would i be
if i tolerated?
lived and let live?
or maybe if i had seen that sometimes...

the problem just might be with me
and if i changed....
if i changed...
if i changed....

if

BEPquestionmark
Originally uploaded by angeltouch.

i read this poem ages ago...then read it again this week, and it just seemed fittign.
as we go into the new year, new semester at school, getting closer to graduation and 'the real world' may these words convict us all on what sort of character we should have.
May you and yours have a very blessed New year!! and good luck on all the resolutions

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man(woman), my son(child)!

--Rudyard Kipling

fly on a wall

giraf
Originally uploaded by angeltouch.

there was once a fly on the wall of the world.
and all the fly did was walk around..watch..and weep.walk around...stop and smile...and walk away.once or twice the fly would try and change what it saw...
but then it realised that it was just a mere spectator in somebody else's play;and it hurt the fly every time it saw the opportunities missed...
and the tears shed...
the love lost...
and the deaths mourned.

the fly searched for the memories of happy moments cherished with a loved one now gone,
it searched for the glow of contentment and peace with the realisation that there is hope for peace out there....even though it may just be in a babys sleeping face.
fly longed for the moments that people realised that crying is cleansing...
calming...
purifying...
human and totally natural...

the fly walked around the wall hoping...watching..looking and praying...searching...searching...for that one...

that one who was content...at peace and comfortable..with who they were.
for the one who looked at the scars on the face of their souls...and saw them not as eternal blemishes...
but as beautiful marks of the growing process....engraved forever with pride...
the fly serarched for the one who was blind to the physical imperfections...
that which they would love to change...

and for the one who, each and every single day, glowed and rejoiced and thanked God, for the complex wonder of their simple being...

...2005

closedeye-l
Originally uploaded by angeltouch.

my 2004 was about the epiphany of relationships! and boi did some parts of that suck like a nonsense. there were hurts, and disappointments and those crazy shockin moments wehre i was like 'do i know you/ who ARE you?'.
but for all of those, they were topped off with the suprising adn totally unexpected truth and genuineness of people you never thought would...

2005 for me is about cherishing!
cherishing ALL that matters to me, from the huge passions, like family, music, laughter, love, my dreads! to the tiny ones, like children laughing, those random desert dates with my peoples, and meeting a brand new person!

its about maximizing on EVERY experience, and using it to be the spice in my life, that rare accessory to the outfit that is my life!

and its about SUCCESS!! i will GET that job! Any road bump i come across just better be careful coz im running on some serious wheels and i willl NOT be stopped...(may have to take a detour...but thats alright!!)

there just is no CANT in my life for 2005!

african

african
Originally uploaded by angeltouch.

i just realised something.
now i know that some of you may never look at me, or think of me the same way once i tell you this...
but im gonna be honest.
and im gonna let you in on my epiphany.

i just realised that i am...black.

no really....beyond anything that i ever have been or could be
i am black
im a woman.
i am black
im a soulful sista full of love and passion and raw honesty.
i am black.
im stressed and frustrated and confused.
i am black.
im a budding lyricist, poet and musician searching for truth and ways of expression beyond the ordinary
...and still that constant remains...
i am black.
im a child...
hungry for approval and attention in the secrecy of my stature.
im a blushing girl, looking to be swept off her feet with all the love that a man could ever offer. and still....i am black.

but now that ive realised this..
theres a whole bunch of stuff that i have to think about...
re think
and
unthink.

will i really accept to be defined by the color of my skin?
what does 'black' REALLY mean?
why did it take me so DAMN long to figure it out?

I wonder if i will ever be able to live up to the heritage that comes with the color of my skin...
the history that saw blood shed and mothers weep for the loss of their sons and their husbands.
i wonder if i will be able to have the strength to overlook the silent anger that seethes within because of past injustices..
and then..
thats where i get mad!!

but then i wonder....
do i have a right to get mad?
should i waste my energy getting mad or should this be an opportunity to impart a little part of my epiphany upon those who do not know..????
If they were not taught all that i know...
and never exposed to it...
if they have never at one point in their lives, experienced what it is to not be like everyone else...how can i expect them to know,understand or feel anything that i go through.

i am black.

and i refuse to be defined by it.
instead...
i choose to define it.

i am a daughter who will be a mother,
i am passion and love coursing through all veins
i am earth, wind, ocean and air...
natural and pure
i am music and a symphony

i am coal knowing the secret of diamonds,
i am pure raw gold
i am the wealth of the earth

i am the constant shadow that follows truth wherever it goes
i am with u...

WELCOME!!!!

sometimes u just have words to say
sometimes its incoherent and beautiful
yet so intricately complex that it is not even considered to be
linguistically
gramatically
literally correct or valid!
welcome to poetycally

vybez of whats insyde, thats sumtimes unorthodox, politically incorrect...
but vybez of what is tru...
so here...feel free to be a muse...
feel free to be mused
feel free to inspire
to respire
to react
to exhale
and bitch...if u want to ...

its poetry thats spoken frm within
and no..it dont have to rhyme...
its YOUR own song...
its YOUR own show...

either it is or it isnt....