talk about will power!!!!
this exam period has been sunny alll the way thru...and ive been sick for most of it...and i know the reason y! its coz ive been cooped up in one of the numerous libraries that my campus boasts...breathing recycled air which, based on the concentration of bodies in the library and in such close proximity, is probably more CO2...
Meanwhile...outside...the sun is shining, the grass is freen...the naked trees have even decided that they are going to show some decency and go get some 'leaves' to wear...and every single ounce of me that grew up surrounded by trees and nature and hills and flowers...EVEN in the middle of a city....is DYING to go outside.
yet...its been 13days STRAIGHT that ive been here in the morning and left on the last nite....
why? because its my last year and im committed to NOT screwing up! i will graduate and i will be able to tell my kids that i used to spend the nite in a library after hours with the alarms on (...u know how the folks ALWAYS exaggerate their stories frm school:D:D)
anyways...one more...the last one is on SATo and then i officially have to start thinking about what im going to do with my life.
i want to work...make money...live life abit, but then i think eventually i will want to go bk to school and so...when ur done reading this..say a little prayer for me that i am able to make up my mind!
[exam music = FLOETRY!!!!! watch this space for my blog on these FEN-OHM-in-ALL women]
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Saturday, April 16, 2005
is there a difference?
in my 4 years at university in CAnada, i have been actively participating in my campus' Black Student's Association, at one point, I was even Vice President.
My campus does not have anything remotely close to an equitable representation of Black's but WE are on campus and I have realised that people know that WE are on campus...and as such, often our actions are scrutinized, mimicked or even taken to be the perfect representation of 'all things black'.
There are many Africans and Caribbeans on campus who are not 'black' but were participant in the events that we put on as a club. there were also many 'black' Africans/ Caribbeans, Afro-Canadians, Afro-Americans etc...who chose not to participate in or associate with those who were involved in such groups.
The one thing that taught me is that there is a choice, and that choice is something that goes past your skin, your ethnicity or nationality...it is a choice that only an individual can make based on their own personal identity and life experience.
i had alluded to in a previous post....there may be a difference being Black of North American descent, of Caribbean descent, or of African descent. In the social hierarchy that is subtly reinforced in an increasingly globalized world, it appears as tho some feel that the African is at the bottom kabisaaa.
Ive had to think about this long and hard on several occassions, and after reading this article, I find myself thinking about it again.
How similar am I as an African to an akata? Are my mannerisms different? Was my upbringing anything similar to theirs, such that it shaped me into a person who can relate in some way, to their experiences?
or are there only IMAGINED and ASSIMILATED similarities??
our histories, which at one point in time were one and the same, followed different paths, yet both were filled with hardships and strengths and amazing achievements and reasons to be proud of who we are. I acknowledge those similarities.
I also acknowledge that to the world, it often does not matter, whether I am Kenyan, Jamaican or an African American. The color of my skin is the same. The prejudices and racist comments are the same. When he sneered at us and called us 'dirty ni&%^rs, it didnt matter that I was African and he was Afro-Canadian.
I wish that what would matter, is that we would all look at each other as human beings, worthy of respect, fair treatment and some digninty. Maybe once we can look past color and ethnicity and embrace the cultures and traditions that have shaped us into the human beings we have become, then maybe the world would be a better place.
...........a tad idealistic i know....im in one of those 'hopeful' moods.
My campus does not have anything remotely close to an equitable representation of Black's but WE are on campus and I have realised that people know that WE are on campus...and as such, often our actions are scrutinized, mimicked or even taken to be the perfect representation of 'all things black'.
There are many Africans and Caribbeans on campus who are not 'black' but were participant in the events that we put on as a club. there were also many 'black' Africans/ Caribbeans, Afro-Canadians, Afro-Americans etc...who chose not to participate in or associate with those who were involved in such groups.
The one thing that taught me is that there is a choice, and that choice is something that goes past your skin, your ethnicity or nationality...it is a choice that only an individual can make based on their own personal identity and life experience.
i had alluded to in a previous post....there may be a difference being Black of North American descent, of Caribbean descent, or of African descent. In the social hierarchy that is subtly reinforced in an increasingly globalized world, it appears as tho some feel that the African is at the bottom kabisaaa.
Ive had to think about this long and hard on several occassions, and after reading this article, I find myself thinking about it again.
How similar am I as an African to an akata? Are my mannerisms different? Was my upbringing anything similar to theirs, such that it shaped me into a person who can relate in some way, to their experiences?
or are there only IMAGINED and ASSIMILATED similarities??
our histories, which at one point in time were one and the same, followed different paths, yet both were filled with hardships and strengths and amazing achievements and reasons to be proud of who we are. I acknowledge those similarities.
I also acknowledge that to the world, it often does not matter, whether I am Kenyan, Jamaican or an African American. The color of my skin is the same. The prejudices and racist comments are the same. When he sneered at us and called us 'dirty ni&%^rs, it didnt matter that I was African and he was Afro-Canadian.
I wish that what would matter, is that we would all look at each other as human beings, worthy of respect, fair treatment and some digninty. Maybe once we can look past color and ethnicity and embrace the cultures and traditions that have shaped us into the human beings we have become, then maybe the world would be a better place.
...........a tad idealistic i know....im in one of those 'hopeful' moods.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
call for logic!
k! im just completing my 4 year degree in Political Science and Sociology, and even if i hadnt spent these last 4 winters studying governance, human rights and democracy...even i would have figured out that theres something wrong with Michuki!
Speaking out about people with illegal firearms, Michuki released an order to the cops that they should 'shoot to kill' anyone found in possession of an illegal firearm.
This is sorta thing im envisioning:
Scenario 1.
Cop spots civilian with gun [because apparently people just display their guns like that]
Because all 'illegal' firearms have huge visible signs on them, the cop shoots, not to injure, not to startle, nope....shoots to kill.
Scenario 2.
Cop spots civilian with gun, suspects that it may be illegal, [because you can identify illegal fireamrs from the 'type' of people carrying it]
Cop, because s/he is careful, decides to investigate further, ask a few questions...'sir/madam, is that weapon licensed? can i see the license? is that an illegal fire arm?'
to which the civilian replies 'no officer it isnt licensed.' ' Oh...umm I left my license at home.' 'Yes sir/madam...its the illegal AK47 i bought frm Eastleigh.'
The Cop,...following orders from Bwana Michuki, pulls out his 'legal' firearm, aims and 'shoots to kill'
Luckily, somebody is thinking, and the Law Society of Kenya, along with doctors and Human rights groups condemned the order, declaring it unconstitutional. But the most concerning thing is the mentality our own Minister for National Security displayed.
a vote of non-confidence? or another tame and pointless 're-shuffle'? I dont really care....something needs to be done!
and therein ends my first political vent of the month! back to the paper!
hope everyone is well and blessed!
Speaking out about people with illegal firearms, Michuki released an order to the cops that they should 'shoot to kill' anyone found in possession of an illegal firearm.
This is sorta thing im envisioning:
Scenario 1.
Cop spots civilian with gun [because apparently people just display their guns like that]
Because all 'illegal' firearms have huge visible signs on them, the cop shoots, not to injure, not to startle, nope....shoots to kill.
Scenario 2.
Cop spots civilian with gun, suspects that it may be illegal, [because you can identify illegal fireamrs from the 'type' of people carrying it]
Cop, because s/he is careful, decides to investigate further, ask a few questions...'sir/madam, is that weapon licensed? can i see the license? is that an illegal fire arm?'
to which the civilian replies 'no officer it isnt licensed.' ' Oh...umm I left my license at home.' 'Yes sir/madam...its the illegal AK47 i bought frm Eastleigh.'
The Cop,...following orders from Bwana Michuki, pulls out his 'legal' firearm, aims and 'shoots to kill'
Luckily, somebody is thinking, and the Law Society of Kenya, along with doctors and Human rights groups condemned the order, declaring it unconstitutional. But the most concerning thing is the mentality our own Minister for National Security displayed.
a vote of non-confidence? or another tame and pointless 're-shuffle'? I dont really care....something needs to be done!
and therein ends my first political vent of the month! back to the paper!
hope everyone is well and blessed!
Friday, March 18, 2005
dread-lizations
the much awaited dreadlizations continue...
so all the people around...well i should be more specific...all the males around me who have dreads or the really sexy looking 'natty fro'...are now freaking out and CUTTING their wonderfully natural locks....why??
to be presentable for job interviews.
now i can understand that completely...this is your entire career or at least the start to one, and if there is even an inkling of a chance that an employer may pass you up becuase of your 'presentability' then thats something you need to consider.
but still there is another side of me that wonders.
1. its such a part of you. The transformation that you undergo when locking or growing ur hair, the identity that you formulated over the years....that all disappears in 5 minutes for a 25 minute interview for a job that a: you may not get and b: you may hate!
is it worth it?
2. if an employer refuses to hire you based on their personal preferences/ biases towards ones hair, overlooking the qualifications that you may bring to the table, is that really the kind of company i want to work for?
3. is it really the hair thats a problem? or what is assumed the hair means?
4. why is it not such a big deal for female dreads....or is it?
hmmm well..my interview is up in an hour...i will be back with the verdict soon!
blessings and guidance
so all the people around...well i should be more specific...all the males around me who have dreads or the really sexy looking 'natty fro'...are now freaking out and CUTTING their wonderfully natural locks....why??
to be presentable for job interviews.
now i can understand that completely...this is your entire career or at least the start to one, and if there is even an inkling of a chance that an employer may pass you up becuase of your 'presentability' then thats something you need to consider.
but still there is another side of me that wonders.
1. its such a part of you. The transformation that you undergo when locking or growing ur hair, the identity that you formulated over the years....that all disappears in 5 minutes for a 25 minute interview for a job that a: you may not get and b: you may hate!
is it worth it?
2. if an employer refuses to hire you based on their personal preferences/ biases towards ones hair, overlooking the qualifications that you may bring to the table, is that really the kind of company i want to work for?
3. is it really the hair thats a problem? or what is assumed the hair means?
4. why is it not such a big deal for female dreads....or is it?
hmmm well..my interview is up in an hour...i will be back with the verdict soon!
blessings and guidance
steps forward
havnt blogged in a while on this personal site...
been kind of having that mental and internal block where u wonder whether you really are alive, breathing, experiencing the world and allowing it to experience you...or whether u are merely EXISTING!
i have a job interview today..and im a tad nervous, as i normally get before them...but its weird...this isnt the number 1 job on my list, but its a job, and i would be very silly not to take it considering im just trying to get some experience before i head back home to CHANGE the world!!!
but i keep wonderinf...what if sumthing beter comes along and ive tied myself down?
what if i want to live in a nice big city like montreal?
what if? what if?
i think thats the very reason why my every day moments are not fully experienced...i keep wasting my time with the what ifs? whos? wheres and whys that are seemingly insignificant in the whole grand schem of this stage that is my life!
been kind of having that mental and internal block where u wonder whether you really are alive, breathing, experiencing the world and allowing it to experience you...or whether u are merely EXISTING!
i have a job interview today..and im a tad nervous, as i normally get before them...but its weird...this isnt the number 1 job on my list, but its a job, and i would be very silly not to take it considering im just trying to get some experience before i head back home to CHANGE the world!!!
but i keep wonderinf...what if sumthing beter comes along and ive tied myself down?
what if i want to live in a nice big city like montreal?
what if? what if?
i think thats the very reason why my every day moments are not fully experienced...i keep wasting my time with the what ifs? whos? wheres and whys that are seemingly insignificant in the whole grand schem of this stage that is my life!
Saturday, February 26, 2005
theres something worse than being a nigger?
yes! i had read the very controversial forum on one of the many kenyan community sites...in fact i think it even made it in to the commentary section of the nation newspaper.
yes! i have seen how some 'akatas' look at/ refer to/ sneer at and distinguish themselves from the 'original miro'
but in all honesty...i think i consciously did not want to believe it because for me, we are the same, cut frm the same cloth..we just ended up in different closets, and got worn to different functions.
Then in hotel Rwanda (apologies if every post for a while refers to the movie)...it was phrased so bluntly...yaani even Dubya would have got it...you're not even a Nigger...you're an African...
im trying to wrap my head around this....how i feel about it...what its suggesting about Black History, Equality, the future and the very definition of the African diaspora!... but for now im off to bed, got an early morning!
yes! i have seen how some 'akatas' look at/ refer to/ sneer at and distinguish themselves from the 'original miro'
but in all honesty...i think i consciously did not want to believe it because for me, we are the same, cut frm the same cloth..we just ended up in different closets, and got worn to different functions.
Then in hotel Rwanda (apologies if every post for a while refers to the movie)...it was phrased so bluntly...yaani even Dubya would have got it...you're not even a Nigger...you're an African...
im trying to wrap my head around this....how i feel about it...what its suggesting about Black History, Equality, the future and the very definition of the African diaspora!... but for now im off to bed, got an early morning!
Thursday, February 24, 2005
what is your greatest Fear???
isnt it strange how it hits you
how one day you wake up and you realise that all the BIG stuff aint worth ish!!all the effort you put into puckering those lovely full lips to kiss somebodies back side...meaningless; all the plans you make...sijui 5 year plans what what!!! its worth nothing!
c'mon y'all dont look at me ati like you dont know what im talking about!
Its one of the scariest things...what if EVERYTHING you do ends up meaning nothing! Getting you NOWHERE??? what then
heres the thing!
watched Hotel Rwanda and it reallyy hit me! we focus on all the wrong stuff at the right time, but at the end of the day, people look out for what is dear to them, for what or rather who they feel an affinity to, and that is the truth! Why therefore do we spend all our times gathering favours that we may need to call in, or relying on aid, or agreeing to be in this part of the world indefinitely because this is where the 'experience' is? Why are we not looking into how to do things for ourselves, so that to the rest of the world, Africa is not a begging child any more?
Why are we trying to learn from a system that appears flawless....if you like being consumed by capitalism and the stresses and pressures of a consumer society...when we should really be focussing on what WORKS and what NEEDS to be done for our societies?
Why are we buying into the concept of West is Best?
I believe in education, achieving greatness and success! I believe in learning from History, experience, past failures and successes.
I believe in intelligence, courtesy and even diplomacy! I believe everyone deserves to be treated Well and made to feel important, respected and supported
I will be the first to advocate fair treatment of all,
I will even admit it when the task seems to heavy and its quite obvious that help is needed!
BUT!!!
i have realised that the problem with alot of us who do not 'yet' hold the power....is that we dont realise that we ARE the power! we are the only ones who can truly mae it change, or make it stay the same...by doing something or doing nothing!
every small thing builds up and spills over to have a HUGE impact!
from that signature on a petition passing round in class, to the dollar you spent when you 'bought' one of the green ribbons to support any efforts for the Darfur crisis.
to the little message that you left on somebody's phone ...just coz...that made their day
to the smile you gave to that nervous TA as they were stumbling through their very first tutorial!
We, in our own small way have the power to impact a life, a community, a generation, a country ...a world! Are you BRAVE enuff?
'what is your greatest fear?'
how one day you wake up and you realise that all the BIG stuff aint worth ish!!all the effort you put into puckering those lovely full lips to kiss somebodies back side...meaningless; all the plans you make...sijui 5 year plans what what!!! its worth nothing!
c'mon y'all dont look at me ati like you dont know what im talking about!
Its one of the scariest things...what if EVERYTHING you do ends up meaning nothing! Getting you NOWHERE??? what then
heres the thing!
watched Hotel Rwanda and it reallyy hit me! we focus on all the wrong stuff at the right time, but at the end of the day, people look out for what is dear to them, for what or rather who they feel an affinity to, and that is the truth! Why therefore do we spend all our times gathering favours that we may need to call in, or relying on aid, or agreeing to be in this part of the world indefinitely because this is where the 'experience' is? Why are we not looking into how to do things for ourselves, so that to the rest of the world, Africa is not a begging child any more?
Why are we trying to learn from a system that appears flawless....if you like being consumed by capitalism and the stresses and pressures of a consumer society...when we should really be focussing on what WORKS and what NEEDS to be done for our societies?
Why are we buying into the concept of West is Best?
I believe in education, achieving greatness and success! I believe in learning from History, experience, past failures and successes.
I believe in intelligence, courtesy and even diplomacy! I believe everyone deserves to be treated Well and made to feel important, respected and supported
I will be the first to advocate fair treatment of all,
I will even admit it when the task seems to heavy and its quite obvious that help is needed!
BUT!!!
i have realised that the problem with alot of us who do not 'yet' hold the power....is that we dont realise that we ARE the power! we are the only ones who can truly mae it change, or make it stay the same...by doing something or doing nothing!
every small thing builds up and spills over to have a HUGE impact!
from that signature on a petition passing round in class, to the dollar you spent when you 'bought' one of the green ribbons to support any efforts for the Darfur crisis.
to the little message that you left on somebody's phone ...just coz...that made their day
to the smile you gave to that nervous TA as they were stumbling through their very first tutorial!
We, in our own small way have the power to impact a life, a community, a generation, a country ...a world! Are you BRAVE enuff?
'what is your greatest fear?'
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure, it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us, we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, georgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God your playing small does'nt help the world. There's nothing enlightening about shrinking down so someone won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconciously give others permission to do the same as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others
[Marianne Williamson]
Friday, January 14, 2005
kosgei
READ THIS http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4171223.stm
yeah..i agree, theres a lott of other things kenya could be focussing on other than the olympics...but what if...
what if this bid is the Smartest urban management tactic that ochilo and his buddies are pulling?
imagine if kenya actually went ahead and put into place all the wheels to improve our current infrastructure so that we could host the olympics with some ounce of decency?
Fix the roads... fix up the slums...at least create some form of subsidized stock housing, so that when the international press is wandering round nairobi...they dont focus on the slums and the parts of kenya that we ought to be ashamed of.
they may even decide to flush the toilets in nyayo stadium and use harpic to make it smell nice.
RESULT...the Green City in the Sun is BACK!!
and not just for nairobi...imagine if this could happen in many of the surrounding cities/ towns!!
even if we lost the bid...think how different a nairobi we would have. think about the scores of revenue that could come to the kenya because of this infrasturcture that is there..just waiting to be used.
and since people will have stopped complaining about how bad nairobi looks, then we can all seriously focus on economic issues, poverty, unemployment and education issues!
i think it could wrk...stilll havent figured out where the $$ will come frm to do all this...but id be interested to watch this one unfold.
maoniz?
yeah..i agree, theres a lott of other things kenya could be focussing on other than the olympics...but what if...
what if this bid is the Smartest urban management tactic that ochilo and his buddies are pulling?
imagine if kenya actually went ahead and put into place all the wheels to improve our current infrastructure so that we could host the olympics with some ounce of decency?
Fix the roads... fix up the slums...at least create some form of subsidized stock housing, so that when the international press is wandering round nairobi...they dont focus on the slums and the parts of kenya that we ought to be ashamed of.
they may even decide to flush the toilets in nyayo stadium and use harpic to make it smell nice.
RESULT...the Green City in the Sun is BACK!!
and not just for nairobi...imagine if this could happen in many of the surrounding cities/ towns!!
even if we lost the bid...think how different a nairobi we would have. think about the scores of revenue that could come to the kenya because of this infrasturcture that is there..just waiting to be used.
and since people will have stopped complaining about how bad nairobi looks, then we can all seriously focus on economic issues, poverty, unemployment and education issues!
i think it could wrk...stilll havent figured out where the $$ will come frm to do all this...but id be interested to watch this one unfold.
maoniz?
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
fingerprint
funny how the fingerprint is sooo damn unique, unchanging....idntifiable
by this lil ka thing...people can find out the most detailed aspect of ur life...assuming that you at one point gave that information to be kept on file....
tho in kenya..we all gave our finger print for the ID card...i just dont know how co,mputerized they are to have us all on file tho (sumthing else to investigate)
ne who...im having one of those days...feel like too many people are trying to scan my fingerprint for info
feel like people are up in my bizness
feelin a tad bit claustrophobic and all i REALLY want to do is run away and scream or something.....
the only person who is 'sorta' allowed to have my fingerprint..is the ZEBRA...coz reallly.if u look closely....thats what that could be.
just a random-too=early-in-the-morning thought...what if zebras were blown up fingerprints...????
DONT ANSWER THAT!!!
by this lil ka thing...people can find out the most detailed aspect of ur life...assuming that you at one point gave that information to be kept on file....
tho in kenya..we all gave our finger print for the ID card...i just dont know how co,mputerized they are to have us all on file tho (sumthing else to investigate)
ne who...im having one of those days...feel like too many people are trying to scan my fingerprint for info
feel like people are up in my bizness
feelin a tad bit claustrophobic and all i REALLY want to do is run away and scream or something.....
the only person who is 'sorta' allowed to have my fingerprint..is the ZEBRA...coz reallly.if u look closely....thats what that could be.
just a random-too=early-in-the-morning thought...what if zebras were blown up fingerprints...????
DONT ANSWER THAT!!!
Friday, December 31, 2004
dreads
sometimes i just cant get over how good they look!
call me vain if u want!
but its my blog..so i can talk about them!
and they are my dreadz..so i will talk about them!
and this morning in the mirror when i looked at them
and last nite when that cute guy told me how much he liked them....
i realised ...
1. they look good,
2. i can barely imagine NOT having them
3. i cant wait for them to grow more
4. they are powerful.
id thought about it for a while...
u know, going 'natty', locking the hair
and to be honest,
it was one of those rebellious things that u think u want to do
especially after 'flying out'...kinda like the tatoo or the piercing thing..
but u can barely bring urself to start.... coz its pretty permanent.
thank GOD i thought about it for a while
then i thought
and thought...
coz i had to know just WHY i was doing it
im not overly conscious.
im not rastafarian;
im not vegetarian;
im not trying to make a mega political statement;
and...my beliefs have not changed!
but...those are all the assumptions people have associated with my dreads.
from family, to friends and relatives and the church congregation,
to random people on the streets,
and beach boys in coasto (sunny mombasa)
to the dreads in the clubs who think they have found their 'sistah'
my dreads make a statement,
about me...
about my life...
about my future...
and thats a statemnt that I have to listen to as well...
and configure...to say what i want it to say:
i like the simplicity of my life since my dreads...
thats my statement against over-consumption, drama and insincerity
i like the conversations started with random people coz of my dreads..
thats my proof that barriers can be broken down, and that differences and curiousity can be harmonized to create discourses...and who knows what those could lead us to
i like knowing that what my hair is doing, is natural (with abit of help from my incessant twisting)...
and that reminds me that in everything... there is a time
and a method
and a reason
and a plan!!
and at the end of the day, inspite of our technological advances, our artificial body alterations,and our biological and genetic modifications...NATURE will take her course!
im still trying to figure out where i fit in this universe...
and it still puzzles me how something as simple as hair, can make me realise so much...and more...
im still realising....
and this is where im going to keep telling u what it is that im realising!
so sit back and watch this space for
...dread-lizations...
wow!
another year gone!
funny how time flies and how things happen, and we barely have the time to actually think about what we learned,
and those subtle lessons that we missed.
and the way we've grown
and changed
and matured
and regressed....
yeah...its time to cherish all those moments too...
the bad ones..
the ones that made me cry when i remember the lives of people who were once in my life.
those that died way too young
those that suffered..and only God knows why..
and also to those punks who quite frankly,
it was time to get them outta my life coz they were holding me back
but recently ive been thinking...
who benefitted most?
was it me...?
is my life better now that i dont have to deal with the drama?
and am i more fulfilled coz i weeded them out?
or was that a cheap sell out stunt?
or are they in a better place?
without me not understanding who it is that they are
and why it is that they do the things they do that just dont sit well with me
or why it is that a friendship once so strong could change over night,
and so damn drastically!!!
how different would things be if we had stuck it out
if we had actually tried to reconcile, and
agree to disagree
and focus on what made us friends in the first place?
how different would i be
if i tolerated?
lived and let live?
or maybe if i had seen that sometimes...
the problem just might be with me
and if i changed....
if i changed...
if i changed....
another year gone!
funny how time flies and how things happen, and we barely have the time to actually think about what we learned,
and those subtle lessons that we missed.
and the way we've grown
and changed
and matured
and regressed....
yeah...its time to cherish all those moments too...
the bad ones..
the ones that made me cry when i remember the lives of people who were once in my life.
those that died way too young
those that suffered..and only God knows why..
and also to those punks who quite frankly,
it was time to get them outta my life coz they were holding me back
but recently ive been thinking...
who benefitted most?
was it me...?
is my life better now that i dont have to deal with the drama?
and am i more fulfilled coz i weeded them out?
or was that a cheap sell out stunt?
or are they in a better place?
without me not understanding who it is that they are
and why it is that they do the things they do that just dont sit well with me
or why it is that a friendship once so strong could change over night,
and so damn drastically!!!
how different would things be if we had stuck it out
if we had actually tried to reconcile, and
agree to disagree
and focus on what made us friends in the first place?
how different would i be
if i tolerated?
lived and let live?
or maybe if i had seen that sometimes...
the problem just might be with me
and if i changed....
if i changed...
if i changed....
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
if
i read this poem ages ago...then read it again this week, and it just seemed fittign.
as we go into the new year, new semester at school, getting closer to graduation and 'the real world' may these words convict us all on what sort of character we should have.
May you and yours have a very blessed New year!! and good luck on all the resolutions
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man(woman), my son(child)!
--Rudyard Kipling
as we go into the new year, new semester at school, getting closer to graduation and 'the real world' may these words convict us all on what sort of character we should have.
May you and yours have a very blessed New year!! and good luck on all the resolutions
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man(woman), my son(child)!
--Rudyard Kipling
Monday, December 27, 2004
fly on a wall
there was once a fly on the wall of the world.
and all the fly did was walk around..watch..and weep.walk around...stop and smile...and walk away.once or twice the fly would try and change what it saw...
but then it realised that it was just a mere spectator in somebody else's play;and it hurt the fly every time it saw the opportunities missed...
and the tears shed...
the love lost...
and the deaths mourned.
the fly searched for the memories of happy moments cherished with a loved one now gone,
it searched for the glow of contentment and peace with the realisation that there is hope for peace out there....even though it may just be in a babys sleeping face.
fly longed for the moments that people realised that crying is cleansing...
calming...
purifying...
human and totally natural...
the fly walked around the wall hoping...watching..looking and praying...searching...searching...for that one...
that one who was content...at peace and comfortable..with who they were.
for the one who looked at the scars on the face of their souls...and saw them not as eternal blemishes...
but as beautiful marks of the growing process....engraved forever with pride...
the fly serarched for the one who was blind to the physical imperfections...
that which they would love to change...
and for the one who, each and every single day, glowed and rejoiced and thanked God, for the complex wonder of their simple being...
and all the fly did was walk around..watch..and weep.walk around...stop and smile...and walk away.once or twice the fly would try and change what it saw...
but then it realised that it was just a mere spectator in somebody else's play;and it hurt the fly every time it saw the opportunities missed...
and the tears shed...
the love lost...
and the deaths mourned.
the fly searched for the memories of happy moments cherished with a loved one now gone,
it searched for the glow of contentment and peace with the realisation that there is hope for peace out there....even though it may just be in a babys sleeping face.
fly longed for the moments that people realised that crying is cleansing...
calming...
purifying...
human and totally natural...
the fly walked around the wall hoping...watching..looking and praying...searching...searching...for that one...
that one who was content...at peace and comfortable..with who they were.
for the one who looked at the scars on the face of their souls...and saw them not as eternal blemishes...
but as beautiful marks of the growing process....engraved forever with pride...
the fly serarched for the one who was blind to the physical imperfections...
that which they would love to change...
and for the one who, each and every single day, glowed and rejoiced and thanked God, for the complex wonder of their simple being...
...2005
my 2004 was about the epiphany of relationships! and boi did some parts of that suck like a nonsense. there were hurts, and disappointments and those crazy shockin moments wehre i was like 'do i know you/ who ARE you?'.
but for all of those, they were topped off with the suprising adn totally unexpected truth and genuineness of people you never thought would...
2005 for me is about cherishing!
cherishing ALL that matters to me, from the huge passions, like family, music, laughter, love, my dreads! to the tiny ones, like children laughing, those random desert dates with my peoples, and meeting a brand new person!
its about maximizing on EVERY experience, and using it to be the spice in my life, that rare accessory to the outfit that is my life!
and its about SUCCESS!! i will GET that job! Any road bump i come across just better be careful coz im running on some serious wheels and i willl NOT be stopped...(may have to take a detour...but thats alright!!)
there just is no CANT in my life for 2005!
but for all of those, they were topped off with the suprising adn totally unexpected truth and genuineness of people you never thought would...
2005 for me is about cherishing!
cherishing ALL that matters to me, from the huge passions, like family, music, laughter, love, my dreads! to the tiny ones, like children laughing, those random desert dates with my peoples, and meeting a brand new person!
its about maximizing on EVERY experience, and using it to be the spice in my life, that rare accessory to the outfit that is my life!
and its about SUCCESS!! i will GET that job! Any road bump i come across just better be careful coz im running on some serious wheels and i willl NOT be stopped...(may have to take a detour...but thats alright!!)
there just is no CANT in my life for 2005!
african
i just realised something.
now i know that some of you may never look at me, or think of me the same way once i tell you this...
but im gonna be honest.
and im gonna let you in on my epiphany.
i just realised that i am...black.
no really....beyond anything that i ever have been or could be
i am black
im a woman.
i am black
im a soulful sista full of love and passion and raw honesty.
i am black.
im stressed and frustrated and confused.
i am black.
im a budding lyricist, poet and musician searching for truth and ways of expression beyond the ordinary
...and still that constant remains...
i am black.
im a child...
hungry for approval and attention in the secrecy of my stature.
im a blushing girl, looking to be swept off her feet with all the love that a man could ever offer. and still....i am black.
but now that ive realised this..
theres a whole bunch of stuff that i have to think about...
re think
and
unthink.
will i really accept to be defined by the color of my skin?
what does 'black' REALLY mean?
why did it take me so DAMN long to figure it out?
I wonder if i will ever be able to live up to the heritage that comes with the color of my skin...
the history that saw blood shed and mothers weep for the loss of their sons and their husbands.
i wonder if i will be able to have the strength to overlook the silent anger that seethes within because of past injustices..
and then..
thats where i get mad!!
but then i wonder....
do i have a right to get mad?
should i waste my energy getting mad or should this be an opportunity to impart a little part of my epiphany upon those who do not know..????
If they were not taught all that i know...
and never exposed to it...
if they have never at one point in their lives, experienced what it is to not be like everyone else...how can i expect them to know,understand or feel anything that i go through.
i am black.
and i refuse to be defined by it.
instead...
i choose to define it.
i am a daughter who will be a mother,
i am passion and love coursing through all veins
i am earth, wind, ocean and air...
natural and pure
i am music and a symphony
i am coal knowing the secret of diamonds,
i am pure raw gold
i am the wealth of the earth
i am the constant shadow that follows truth wherever it goes
i am with u...
now i know that some of you may never look at me, or think of me the same way once i tell you this...
but im gonna be honest.
and im gonna let you in on my epiphany.
i just realised that i am...black.
no really....beyond anything that i ever have been or could be
i am black
im a woman.
i am black
im a soulful sista full of love and passion and raw honesty.
i am black.
im stressed and frustrated and confused.
i am black.
im a budding lyricist, poet and musician searching for truth and ways of expression beyond the ordinary
...and still that constant remains...
i am black.
im a child...
hungry for approval and attention in the secrecy of my stature.
im a blushing girl, looking to be swept off her feet with all the love that a man could ever offer. and still....i am black.
but now that ive realised this..
theres a whole bunch of stuff that i have to think about...
re think
and
unthink.
will i really accept to be defined by the color of my skin?
what does 'black' REALLY mean?
why did it take me so DAMN long to figure it out?
I wonder if i will ever be able to live up to the heritage that comes with the color of my skin...
the history that saw blood shed and mothers weep for the loss of their sons and their husbands.
i wonder if i will be able to have the strength to overlook the silent anger that seethes within because of past injustices..
and then..
thats where i get mad!!
but then i wonder....
do i have a right to get mad?
should i waste my energy getting mad or should this be an opportunity to impart a little part of my epiphany upon those who do not know..????
If they were not taught all that i know...
and never exposed to it...
if they have never at one point in their lives, experienced what it is to not be like everyone else...how can i expect them to know,understand or feel anything that i go through.
i am black.
and i refuse to be defined by it.
instead...
i choose to define it.
i am a daughter who will be a mother,
i am passion and love coursing through all veins
i am earth, wind, ocean and air...
natural and pure
i am music and a symphony
i am coal knowing the secret of diamonds,
i am pure raw gold
i am the wealth of the earth
i am the constant shadow that follows truth wherever it goes
i am with u...
Thursday, December 23, 2004
WELCOME!!!!
sometimes u just have words to say
sometimes its incoherent and beautiful
yet so intricately complex that it is not even considered to be
linguistically
gramatically
literally correct or valid!
welcome to poetycally
vybez of whats insyde, thats sumtimes unorthodox, politically incorrect...
but vybez of what is tru...
so here...feel free to be a muse...
feel free to be mused
feel free to inspire
to respire
to react
to exhale
and bitch...if u want to ...
its poetry thats spoken frm within
and no..it dont have to rhyme...
its YOUR own song...
its YOUR own show...
either it is or it isnt....
sometimes its incoherent and beautiful
yet so intricately complex that it is not even considered to be
linguistically
gramatically
literally correct or valid!
welcome to poetycally
vybez of whats insyde, thats sumtimes unorthodox, politically incorrect...
but vybez of what is tru...
so here...feel free to be a muse...
feel free to be mused
feel free to inspire
to respire
to react
to exhale
and bitch...if u want to ...
its poetry thats spoken frm within
and no..it dont have to rhyme...
its YOUR own song...
its YOUR own show...
either it is or it isnt....
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